Destination addiction. It’s a tricky one.
Are you also a sufferer?
I am. Sometimes. (She says sheepishly).
Well, aren’t we all a little? Because isn’t it just so much easier to kid yourself that if only ‘x’ changed, then you would be able to be truly happy: your job, your house, your income, your kids’ behaviour, your partner, your weight?
Isn’t it so much easier to blame external circumstances or others for your current disastisfaction?
My personal favourites are: ‘if I had more time….’ or ‘if I was earning more….’ or ‘if I had an amazing holiday to look forward to’…
(I’m a big fan of the beach, a huge fan of uber luxury resorts (funny that) and of Bali in general so the photo above of our Amankila visit earlier this year pretty much does it for me)…
But when and where does the buck stop? Ultimately with OURSELVES.
Because blaming doesn’t get you very far. It’s actually quite draining. And very disempowering. Because it is giving the key to your happiness and fulfillment to SOMEONE or SOMETHING ELSE.
It’s the same thing as thinking the grass is always greener elswhere. And you know what the answer to that is, don’t you? WATER YOUR GRASS!
I admit this is easier said than done because if we knew how to and did it regularly, then we wouldn’t be sufferers of destination addiction. But actually, we do all know how to. It’s innate. We just forget. (Me included).
Empowering ourselves with the keys to our happiness is called slowing down. Seeing through the lie that is the modern day ‘glorification of busy’ and taking time to pause. Inhaling slowly and deeply. Exhaling fully. Feeling the ground beneath your feet. Checking-in with your body – where is tense, where is relaxed? Checking-in with your mind – are you future tripping or loitering in the past?
The cure to destination addiction is becoming PRESENT to the now. The only moment we are ever in. (This statement always blows me away – so devastatingly simple but so utterly profound).
Because when we are present, we can cope with whatever is in front of us: there is no overwhelm – just a fleeting (if we let it be) emotion that merely requires our notice (not judgement) before we release it; there is no fear (that’s either based on what might happen in the future or what happened in the past); and there can be no dissatisfaction (because what we have is all there is, there is nothing to compare it to).
All we have is what we have right now.
And when we are fully present it is much easier to see what there is to be grateful for. Without forcing it. We realise that whatever it is that we want to change isn’t actually going to help that much if our fear / dissatisfaction / overwhelm comes along for the ride.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to drive a porsche, or earn loads of dosh, or have super obedient children, or go on more adventures in the sun, or serve more clients. It just means that I’m not holding onto these desires as quick fixes to my current state of mind.
If all we have is the now, then what we have right now is just right. For now.
Greater things might come. But this will happen far easier if we let them slip in unnoticed through the open door of gratitude for what we have, rather than if we place them at the other end of the spectrum to where we currently are.
Because destination happiness is actually the killer of current happiness. It cruelly supresses it with the promise of bigger, better, more.
So the next time that little voice pops up that tells you that your dissatisfaction is not your fault, that if only ‘x’ would happen then you would indeed be happier, go tell it to take a hike. Then pause. And breathe. Connect to your body. And spot at least three things for which you are grateful right now. And see what happens.
I dare you….
What are your destination addictions? What is your magic ‘ x’ that seemingly holds the key to your happiness and how can you take back your power? I’d love to know! Please share in the comments below!